I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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