I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
