Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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