i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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