i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How does one acquire holy water?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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