we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
