The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
