you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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