I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have post one night stand depression
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
