Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
