it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
