he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
