All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
