Only a mothe r could love this liver
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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