i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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