she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize