I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
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I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
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Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize