after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
