Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize