They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
