4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
