I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
