One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
