She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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