Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
