i don't like sucking hair
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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