Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize