I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
too bad you live with your parents still
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
