How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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