You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
