Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize