Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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