mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
