in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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