I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
