I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
