Will you blow on my dice?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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