i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
