Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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