fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He felt like a one man threesome
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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