So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
