My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
