True but thats because hes a fetus.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
