watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
