Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she pinky promised me she was 18
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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