I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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