She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Is it because I queefed?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
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Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
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A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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