i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
