Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Houston, we have a blender
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
