he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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