I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
