Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
