I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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