Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
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