just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
