So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
