Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
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Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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