I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
