Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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