I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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