I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
