hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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