he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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