The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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