Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
