is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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