I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i think i scared a bird with my dick
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
