haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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