I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize