someone threw a dead crab at me
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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