I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
